


How to Keep Your Person Happy

by lilsamarooo



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, He’s trying his best, Himbo Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, M/M, Misunderstandings, Polyamory, Protective Eskel (The Witcher), Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Protective Lambert (The Witcher), my bad I forgot to add that lol, no beta we die like my sanity, smol jaskier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26144245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilsamarooo/pseuds/lilsamarooo
Summary: It was a tiny thing, water damaged and well-used, but that didn’t matter much. Walking up to the shelf and taking the book in his hands, Geralt flipped it over and looked at the title. “How to Keep Your-” the next word was smudged, but it looked like “person”. “How to Keep Your Person Happy”.Or,Geralt finds a “How to Keep Your Puppy Happy” manual, but misreads the title. Thinking he’s been neglecting his human, Geralt takes the both of them up to Kaer Morhen to enlist the help of his brothers in keeping his bard happy!
Relationships: Eskel & Jaskier | Dandelion, Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion/Lambert, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Lambert
Comments: 210
Kudos: 766





	1. The Book

**Author's Note:**

> Buckle up buddies, I’m gonna try to get this finished before school starts on Monday because then I’ll have literally no free time. Wish me luck!

❧

The leather bound book hit the bookkeeper’s desk with a wet slap, selkiemore guts sliding off the edges and making the rotund man squeal as he rushed to save the papers beneath it. Geralt watched, face stony and unamused, covered in the same disgusting slime as the book.

“My payment,” the Witcher repeated, holding out a gloved hand expectantly.

The bookkeeper adjusted his glasses as they slipped down his sweaty nose and he looked up sheepishly. “Ah… about that, Witcher, I’m afraid I don’t exactly have… all of the money I promised,” he finished lamely. A low growl from the other side of the desk made the bookkeeper pale considerably and he began to stutter, gesturing at the vast collection of books around them. “I-I can offer you whatever you want from my extensive collection of knowledge! I have every book you could possibly think of!”

“Why would I want a book,” Geralt huffed, eyeing the countless shelves with annoyance before pausing.

It was a tiny thing, water damaged and well-used, but that didn’t matter much. Walking up to the shelf and taking the book in his hands, Geralt flipped it over and looked at the title. “How to Keep Your-” the next word was smudged, but it looked like “person”. “How to Keep Your Person Happy”.

This was perfect! Geralt had been noticing the bard becoming quieter as winter neared, politely declining requests to play at taverns and not even composing on the road. Nothing cheered him up, and Geralt had no idea what was wrong because for once his little songbird was silent. They’d only been traveling together for a couple years, almost no time at all to the Witcher, and he knew now that this behavior wasn’t normal.

He turned back to the still blabbering bookkeeper. “I’ll take this as the rest of my payment.”

The man looked surprised and handed over a coin pouch from under his desk. “Have you got a loyal companion? I didn’t know Witchers traveled with others,” he said, looking around like the bard would suddenly teleport into the room. Geralt snorted, taking the pouch from him.

“We don’t, he’s an exception. He’s back at the inn, probably flirting with the workers.”

The bookkeeper gave Geralt an odd look and nodded slowly. “Well thank you again for retrieving my book! It’s rare and irreplaceable, so I’m glad to see it here, although I could do without the… monster slime.”

Holding back a mumbled “then do it yourself”, Geralt took his leave, pocketing the book to read later when the bard was asleep. If his songbird caught him with a manual on how to keep a human happy, he’d never hear the end of it.

❧


	2. A Clean Environment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one of the book is revealed!

❧

_ Finally,  _ Geralt thought, seeing the walls of Kaer Morhen looming above them. He’d made the trip up the mountain countless times, but it was different now. After reading the first chapter of the book, Geralt had gathered his courage and finally asked Jaskier to winter with him and meet his family.

The bard had smiled for the first time in weeks, and not one of his performance smiles either, a real one. Geralt took this to mean that the advice from the book was working and he thanked the gods he’d found it. Leading Roach as smoothly as he could (Jaskier was sleeping on top of her), Geralt recalled the first bit of the book he’d read when Jaskier had finally fallen asleep back in the town where he’d gotten it.

_ “Chapter One: A Clean Environment _

_ Your new companion should have an easy-to-access place to rest and stay in when they’re tired or feeling overwhelmed. It should be contained, but also open and airy so you can change out bedding easily as it gets dirty. Over time, your companion will become more active as they grow. In about two or three weeks, you can move your little companion to a bigger place with more room to play. Make sure to give your companion lots of attention and affection!” _

Geralt had no idea how badly he was caring for Jaskier until he’d read the first chapter. The bard didn’t have any place like the book had described, but the Witcher keep did. High walls and a treacherous path below kept the keep very secluded and Kaer Morhen’s many rooms were perfect for Jaskier to play in and explore. Of course, they’d already figured out that Jaskier would be staying in Geralt’s room, as they both slept better together.

Just in case, Geralt had purchased some lightweight blankets for Jaskier so the bard had enough soft things to sleep with. The bard already looked a bit happier, more light showing in his eyes that Geralt had missed.

Looking at said bard sleeping on Roach, Geralt smiled softly and reached up to brush chestnut brown hair out of his eyes. Now that he was following the book’s instructions, his bard would be back to normal in no time!

The Witcher tried to wake Jaskier with a nudge as he led Roach into the stables and smiled at the sleepy snuffles the bard made. Footsteps sounded behind him and he turned to see Eskel behind him, looking at his songbird curiously.

“Thought I heard you arrive. Is this the bard you always talk about?” he asked, pulling Geralt into a hug. Nodding, the silver haired Witcher pulled the book from his pocket and passed it to Eskel as Lambert walked in behind the two.

“What’s that?” he said, snatching the book and flipping it over to inspect it. “It’s falling apart, I think it’d be better as kindling.”

Geralt growled and took it back, showing them the chapter he’d been reading. “I got it from a bookkeeper. It’s a manual on how to keep a human happy,” he said, looking guilty. “Jaskier’s been sad, so I read it and I found out I’ve been neglecting my bard, and I didn’t even know until I found this book.”

The other two Witchers looked at the first chapter curiously and then turned to their brother with varying levels of anger.

“Geralt, you’ve been treating your bard all wrong! No wonder he’s been sad, look at how you’re supposed to be taking care of him. You're supposed to give him attention and hugs,” Lambert said, gesturing at the book, and Eskel nodded in agreement.

“He needs a safe place, Geralt. He was upset on the path because he didn’t have anywhere to go when he felt overwhelmed. How is he supposed to feel comforted in the woods?”

Geralt looked at his boots and frowned. “Will you help me? I need to make him happy again.”

“Of course we will,” Eskel said, laying a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “Let’s get him warm, first of all. He looks like an icicle.”

❧

The fires were already lit inside the Great Hall and the warmth felt amazing compared to the frigid air outside. Jaskier was in front of the fire, swaddled in his new blankets and sleeping soundly while the brothers talked in hushed tones. They were seated around the curled up bard and Geralt absentmindedly ran his hand through his songbird’s soft hair.

“We need a schedule,” Eskel said, flipping through the book and pausing at another page. “To make sure he gets enough attention and affection, like the book says.”

Lambert stuck his feet under one of the blankets and peeked over Eskel’s shoulder. “Well how much attention is enough? How many hugs do we need to give a day? What happens if we don’t give him enough hugs? Will he  _ die? _ ”

Geralt growled unhappily at the thought and Eskel swatted at Lambert with a hissed “ _ shut it! _ ”. Turning to his older brother, Eskel smiled reassuringly. “Geralt, it’s fine. There’s nothing in here that says he’ll die without hugs, he’ll just get really sad is all. He only needs at least three hours of attention-”

“Three hours  _ at least?  _ That’s so long!”

“Well nobody’s forcing you to help! If you don’t want to help Geralt’s bard then you don’t have to.”

“…I’ll do it. But we get to call him  _ our  _ bard. If we’re helping keep him happy, I feel like we need some credit too.”

Geralt glared at his youngest brother before relenting with an affirmative grunt. The resulting cheer had Jaskier waking up and the brothers froze as the bard yawned and stretched out like a cat before realizing there were three sets of eyes on him.

“Um… hello?”

Geralt pulled the bard into his lap, blankets and all, so that he was facing the others. “Jask, this is Lambert and Eskel.”

The bard rubbed his eyes and waved shyly at Geralt’s brothers before turning his head. “And who are you?”

“Vesemir.”

The three wolves did  _ not  _ jump at the sudden voice of their father.

Geralt shifted with the bard still in his lap to face the old wolf. “Vesemir, this is Jaskier. We arrived half an hour ago. He’ll be sleeping in my room this winter, but I’ll clear out the room next to mine for him in case he wants to stay there during the day.”

Vesemir nodded and placed a hand on the older wolf’s shoulder, something he did every time his sons came home safe. Geralt gave a small smile and their father left them to their devices, telling them not to stay up too late.

❧

“Here,” Geralt said, placing his bundled up bard gently on the center of his bed. He was strangely happy to have his songbird in his room. Remembering the book, Geralt laid beside the bard and pulled him into his arms. Jaskier squeaked and blushed, but his smile was huge and Geralt loved seeing it. “I’m happy you decided to come with me, Jask,” he said softly, loosening his arms and looking into startlingly blue eyes.

Jaskier smiled sweetly and intertwined their fingers. “I’m happy you trusted me enough to ask.”

The two of them stayed like that for a long time, Geralt curled protectively around his little songbird, and he vowed to himself to give Jaskier everything he needed. Hugs, a safe place, food, love-

_ Oh,  _ Geralt thought, staring at his sleeping bard in wonder. He was in  _ love. _ Watching Jaskier sleep better than he had in weeks and holding him close in his bed, Geralt smiled and mentally checked off the first chapter of the book. Jaskier finally had a safe place, with Geralt and his family in the icy mountains. It’s okay though, Geralt would keep his songbird warm.

❧


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eskel + Jaskier = cuddles :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite this whole chapter because the first version was sad asf

❧

In the morning Geralt and his brothers cleaned out the room next to Geralt’s for Jaskier while the bard sat on the bed in the middle of the room, wrapped in blankets and eating fresh bread with jam. The three brothers had agreed on not telling Jaskier about the book because it would make him feel like they were only giving the bard affection because the book said they had to, which was not the case at all.

Two hours later, the room had a nice fire going, fresh sheets on the bed, and everything had been dusted (Jaskier had done that by himself after seeing how remarkably bad the Witchers were at thoroughly getting every spot). Now the bard had a place to play and set up a “nest”, according to the book. Odd word, but maybe the book was just very old. Extra furs were cleaned and dragged in and the bard giggled as they were all dropped on top of him on the bed.

Jaskier poked his head out of the mountain of furs and was pulled into a tight bear hug by Lambert that left him breathless, and Eskel swatted his younger brother’s arm. “You’re supposed to hug him, not strangle him!”

The wolves had explained their plan to Vesemir, showing him the book when they’d gone to get Jaskier breakfast together, and the eldest wolf had simply frowned at the title and then smirked, walking away while shaking his head. They’d shrugged and assumed that meant that they were doing things correctly.

While Jaskier was setting up his room, Geralt and the others went outside into the courtyard and started to practice. They’d done this many times, where the winner of the match faced the person who’d been sitting out that round, and the person who lost was now sat out. As his brothers practiced that round, Geralt talked about what he’d read in the book’s next chapter.

_ “Chapter Two: Warmth _

_ Your new companion is very young and cannot regulate their body temperature yet. Your loyal companions will usually snuggle up with others to keep warm, but there should also be a cooler corner they can go to if they get too warm in their nest. Start with the temperature high in the nest, and gradually reduce it by the end of the fourth week with your companion. As always, give your friend lots of love!” _

Geralt and his brothers had decided to all pile into one room starting tonight to keep their songbird (Geralt was still not sure how he felt about sharing his bard) warm during the cold nights. Jaskier had only been here a day and was starting to laugh so much more than before. This was great progress.

❧

Eskel had been cleaning out the stables when Geralt’s bard-  _ their _ bard walked inside, shivering in the frigid morning air. Putting down the shovel he’d been holding with a shy smile, Eskel wondered if the bard was lost. Why wasn’t he with Geralt?

“Hello!” Jaskier started with a happy little wave and a cheery smile that did  _ not  _ make Eskel’s heart melt. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind company while you’re out here doing your chores?”

The scarred Witcher paused. The bard wanted to spend time with… him? “I um- yeah! Yeah, sure. I don’t mind,” he said, tripping over his words, trying (and failing) not to sound too eager.

The next two hours were spent with Eskel mucking the stalls and feeding the horses, Jaskier giggling when Roach tried to bite his fingers. Geralt’s horses were always a bit rude in Eskel’s opinion. Scorpion would never bite like that.

They talked about everything from ancient poems to their favorite foods, and Eskel loved the attention their songbird was giving him. The Witcher was just about to call it a day and head in for lunch when he turned and noticed Jaskier shivering, arms wrapped tightly around himself. Eskel thought his cloak was thick enough for the winter air, but looking closer, he could see that it was worn and threadbare. His petal was cold and he hadn’t even noticed!

“Jaskier, you’re shivering!” Taking off his own cloak, Eskel put it on the bard, closing the clasp at the front and rubbing his hands up and down his petal’s shoulder to warm them, pointedly ignoring the new pet name his brain unconsciously bestowed upon the bard.

A happy noise slipped out of Jaskier when the warm cloak met his skin and Eskel tried hard not to smile with pride.

“You’re too sweet, my dear, but what about you? Won’t you be cold now?” his petal asked, taking Eskel’s hand and warming his fingers with his own. “Wait, I have an idea! Here-”

Eskel took back his cloak with a confused look and put it on, nearly jumping when a warm body wiggled its way inside with him. He looked down to see Jaskier smiling widely and looking up at him with bright blue eyes. Bright blue eyes attached to a bard that Eskel  _ loved,  _ oh no.

Eskel had fallen in love with Jaskier in two  _ days? I mean, I’ve fallen in love for less, but this is a surprise.  _ Oh gods, he was done for. Geralt would kill him if he knew, he was sure of it. His brother wasn’t typically one to share, already on edge with Lambert calling the bard theirs. Realistically, Eskel knew that Jaskier was his own person and that he could make his own choices, but Eskel could never do that to Geralt. Especially since the stubborn bastard refused to acknowledge his own love for the bard that was so blatantly obvious to everyone but him.

Picking up Jaskier and letting his petal cling to him like a toddler, arms wrapped around his neck and squeaking in surprise at the show of strength. Eskel walked them back to the Great Hall, passing an amused Vesemir and sitting on one of the chairs with his petal still in his lap.

The bard shifted to get comfortable and then sighed contentedly, going boneless against the scarred Witcher, his petal’s cold nose pressed against Eskel’s neck and making him shiver slightly. Eskel resisted the urge to coo at the small bard in his lap. He was happy to be helping Jaskier by keeping him warm and being there for him to snuggle with.

The others returned from their own chores, Lambert bursting inside and no doubt about to declare how hungry he was to the whole room.

“Shh! He’s sleeping,” Eskel whispered, trying not to jostle the sleeping bard in his lap. Shutting his mouth with an audible click, Lambert walked over and immediately started cooing at their songbird, which made Eskel wish he hadn’t stopped himself from doin it first.

“Aww, Eskel he’s so adorable! His cheek is smooshed against your shoulder,” Lambert whispered, running his fingers through the bard’s hair and huffing a laugh when their songbird snuffled and scrunched his nose in response. “I’m literally going to die this is the cutest shit I’ve seen since your goat rolled on her back for belly rubs.” And  _ damn,  _ that was saying something, wasn’t it?

Lunch was served, a simple stew with fresh bread, and Geralt arrived late as always. Eskel tensed a bit when his brother froze as he spotted them, but then he walked over and laid a hand on Eskel’s shoulder.

“Thank you for helping. Both of you,” Geralt said, meeting Lambert’s eyes over Eskel’s head.

Lambert scoffed. “Of course we’ll help you, look at how much happier he is already. It helps that he’s cute.” 

Geralt did growl a bit at that and Eskel reminded himself to never tell his brother that he was in love with hi-  _ their  _ bard.

Vesemir snorted and rolled his eyes from the other end of the table.

This was shaping up to be a very strange winter. Eskel could only hope that Geralt wouldn’t kill him by the end of it.

❧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Jaskier sleeps a lot in this but it’s okay because he’s a bard and he needs his beauty sleep


	4. Nursing and Nutrition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soft times between Lambert and Jaskier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well school starts tomorrow so I’ll try to keep posting chapters as often as I can! I only have two more chapters so it shouldn’t be too hard to finish quickly

❧

“The book wants us to do _what?_ ” Lambert shouted, grabbed the manual from Eskel, who was scanning the paragraph with slightly crazed eyes. “Lemme see it!”

_“Chapter Three: Nursing and Nutrition_

_It’s important to keep an eye on your companion’s weight at this stage in their life. If your new friend is crying or whimpering frequently they may be hungry and require more attention during feeding. If smaller companions still don’t show signs of growth or healthy weight gain, it might be necessary to take over and bottle feed them milk yourself. Be sure to schedule feedings every few hours so your friend isn’t hungry. As always, love and affection are the key to a happy companion!”_

“Geralt, are you sure this is for _adult_ humans?” Eskel asked, turning to the Witcher shaped ball on the floor of Roach’s stall. The mare sniffed her master and turned away with an annoyed snort, probably because Geralt was clinging to her legs and having an existential crisis. A muffled “yes” reached his ears and Eskel groaned. “Well where the hell are we supposed to find a nursing bottle? We’re in the damn mountains.”

Walking over and nudging Geralt with a foot, Lambert looked back at the keep. Would the old man have bottles from when the keep was still pumping out Witchers? It was a reach, nearly all of the kids that entered the keep were well past the age for nursing. But maybe…

“Wait here,” the youngest Witcher said, racing back to the Great Hall and up the stairs until he reached the door to Vesemir’s room. Would he even be awake? Lambert and his brothers had been meeting up at night so that their bard wouldn’t get worried if they weren’t with him. The youngest Witcher didn’t usually care for humans, but the songbird was an exception. He was small and cute and fragile and Lambert just wanted to protect him and give him everything he needed. Was this what love felt like? It’d been two weeks since Jaskier arrived, was that how long it took to fall in love? Who the hell knows, he’d just ask Eskel later. He knew all about romance from those love story books he read. Ew. Wait, didn’t Lambert come up here to get-

“Lambert, stop hovering outside the door and come inside,” the eldest wolf said, making him jump. Opening the door, Lambert stepped inside the room with a sheepish smile on his face. Vesemir raised an eyebrow. He knew that smile well. “What have you done?”

“I didn’t do shit!” the youngest wolf huffed, crossing his arms. “I was wondering if we have-” the rest of the sentence was too quiet for even Vesemir to pick up and Lambert’s face would be a deep red if Witchers could blush.

“Speak up, Lambert.”

A resigned sigh. “I was wondering ifwehavesomenursingbottlesinsidethekeep. There, you happy now?”

Vesemir frowned. “Nursing bottles? What would you need those for-”

“Do we have any or not?” Lambert interrupted, trying to save himself any more embarrassment, if that was even possible at this point. A slow nod and instructions to look in the long forgotten kitchen cupboards had Lambert silently groaning. He thanked the confused old wolf and retrieved the dusty things. There were only two of them, so they’d have to be washed and cleaned often, and that was if the Witchers could clean them out at all. The grime was so thickly coated onto the inside that it looked like it would take a mage to get rid of it. A mage or lots and lots of boiling hot water from a Witcher well versed in Signs. Thank the gods for Eskel.

Three long hours later, the Witchers had two very thoroughly cleaned nursing bottles and exactly zero sources of milk. Luckily, Eskel had a solution for that too.

“This is Missy,” the scarred Witcher said, pulling a cow behind him on a lead. Geralt and Lambert shared a bewildered look.

“Where the fuck did that cow come from?”

“Wait why couldn’t we eat that for dinner when we didn’t bring anything back last night?”

Eskel glared at both of them. “Don’t you dare talk to Missy like that! You need her, not the other way around.”

“… sorry Missy.”

“Sorry, cow.”

❧

Jaskier was sitting at the table wrapped up in a blanket when Lambert came forward with a nursing bottle full of warmed milk.

“This is for you,” Lambert said, holding out the bottle for the bard to take, vaguely registering Vesemir choking on his ale across from them. Jaskier slowly took the bottle, tilting it and watching the milk swirl around.

“Is this a… nursing bottle?” the bard asked hesitantly, glancing up at the other two Witchers that had come to hover behind Lambert, peeking over his shoulders and trying to see their songbird’s reaction. Lambert nodded and looked at Jaskier expectantly. Did the bard not like it? The book didn’t say what to do if their companion wouldn’t drink the milk. “I um… thanks. Thank you, I appreciate it,” Jaskier said, somewhat awkwardly, raising the bottle to his lips and sucking on the nipple with a scrunched up face that could either be described as pained or intrigued. Vesemir, who had regained his breath, promptly started choking again, this time on air. Maybe the old man was getting sick?

A surprised hum dragged Lambert out of his thoughts and he smirked proudly when the bard continued to slowly drink the milk. It had been his idea to add a spoonful of honey into the milk. Geralt clapped him on the back and Eskel patted his shoulder as the three sat down, silent and not wanting to disturb the bard, who had closed his eyes while drinking. They only shifted so that Lambert could pick the bard up and gently lay him so that his head was resting against the youngest Witcher’s shoulder.

His kitten hummed happily around the nipple of the bottle and curled up more comfortably in Lambert's lap. Vesemir had left the table at this point, a concerned Geralt guiding him to his room with a hand on the old wolf’s back, Eskel watching them go with a frown.

“Do you think Vesemir’s been acting weird this winter?” his brother asked Lambert, brows furrowed.

Lambert snorted and traced circles on his kitten’s back. The bottle was nearly finished now. “The old man’s always been weird as hell. Maybe he’s picked up a bug or something.”

“From who?”

“Who knows, maybe one if his crazy alchemy experiments.”

“Nobody’s alchemy experiments are crazier than yours, Lambert.”

“… You’re not wrong.”

❧

That night, when Geralt and Eskel had finally fallen asleep at the bard’s feet, Jaskier turned to Lambert and cupped his cheek gently.

“Thank you, Lambert,” his kitten whispered softly, blue eyes half-lidded and yawning sleepily.

Lambert huffed a quiet laugh. “No need to thank me, Jaskier. Go to bed, kitten,” he said quietly, and Jaskier frowned for a moment before shrugging and kissing the tip of Lambert’s nose.

“Okay. Night, Lamb.”

“Sweet dreams, Jask.”

_Fuck,_ Lambert was so in love.

❧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to update the tags just tell me which tags to use and I’ll add them!  
> Vesemir is having a crisis.


	5. Socialization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, good god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shamelessly rushed through this after finishing my online classes because I had logged in fifteen minutes late on the _first day _due to technical issues. I am mortified and I want to crawl into a hole and wither away.__

❧

Vesemir was tired of his children.

Had he failed so badly as a father that they now thought that a puppy manual could be applied to an adult human? More importantly, why was it _working?_

He’d already noticed the bard looking happier, more cheerful and talkative, sometimes bringing out his lute to play after dinner. Jaskier had been a bit weirded out by the bottle feeding at first, only doing it to indulge his sons’ strange experiment but now he actually looks forward to his bottles and Vesemir just _cannot._

Which is why he’s been hiding in his room and plans to for the remainder of the winter. He was almost afraid of what step was next in the book. Flipping to the next page of his book, Vesemir was just about to close it and get ready for bed when a timid knock sounded at his door. It was Geralt and the others. Gods, just when he thought he could have a little peace and quiet to regain his sanity.

“Come in,” the Witcher called, setting his book on the nightstand next to his bed. A moment later, his three sons came stumbling in, Eskel carrying a limp bard in his arms.

“What did you do?” Vesemir immediately demanded, striding up and taking the bard from Eskel’s arms before the three could answer. The bard curled up to Vesemir’s chest with a big yawn and nuzzled into his neck, making soft, sleepy noises. Honestly it was kind of cute.

The three Witchers near his bed all swooned at the small noises the bard made and Vesemir counted the seconds before the impending argument started.

_3…_

_2…_

_1…_

“I was in love with him first!”

_Bingo._

“So? Why can’t we share? We’ve shared whores before!”

“Lambert, call him a whore one more time and _see what happens._ ”

“Okay you _know_ I didn’t mean it like that, but the point still stands, why can’t we _share-_ ”

“Because he’s mine!”

“He’s not _anyone’s_. He can make his own decisions, Geralt. You aren’t his mother.”

“Eskel, why are you on _his_ side?”

“Because I want him too, you stubborn son of a-!”

“ _Excuse me,_ ” Jaskier interrupted loudly, still in Vesemir’s arms and looking very unhappy. Vesemir assumed it was more the fact that he’d been rudely woken up from his nap than the whole fighting over him. He walked over to the bed and sat down, and the bard curled up in his lap, nose in the air and a glare that could wilt flowers on his face.

His sons looked terrified.

“Maybe, just maybe, instead of arguing over me like a bunch of teenage boys, you can, oh I don’t know, ask me how _I_ feel about this whole situation. You don’t even know if I like _any_ of you back yet you continue to fight over me before I even have a chance to speak for myself. I am sick of this and your weird Witcher behavior!” Jaskier shouted, turning his head and hiding his face in Vesemir’s shoulder. If the bard started crying Vesemir would make all three of his sons run the wall until the sun rose.

Geralt looked as confused as the others. “What do you mean, ‘weird Witcher behavior’? And you do love us back, I can smell it on you.”

“I _mean_ the cuddling and the nesting and the bottles and the never leaving me alone unless I need to take a piss, what is that? Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice, but it’s _too_ _much_ sometimes. And we’re talking about just how freakishly strong your sense of smell is later. How the hell do you smell _love?_ ”

“Well we’re just following the book- _fuck!_ ” Lambert started before Eskel stepped on his foot. “Fuck you!”

Jaskier narrowed his eyes in an eerie imitation of Vesemir’s intimidating face. He was impressed.

“ _What_ _book?_ ”

The water damaged leather book was produced and Jaskier snatched it up, flipping through the pages, and Vesemir’s sons got steadily more anxious the more Jaskier’s frown deepened. He finally stopped at the last page and let out a slightly hysterical laugh. “You’ve been using a _puppy training manual_ on me?”

“Ohhh shit-”

“I _told_ you it wasn’t for humans!”

“How the fuck was I supposed to know? I thought it said person!”

❧

Hours later, after the boys were done explaining and Jaskier was done laughing his ass off at them, they came to talk about the other elephant in the room.

“So you all love me?” Jaskier asked, smiling widely. They’d moved to the Great Hall as the sun rose, all of them accepting that they would be getting no sleep tonight. Vesemir had come down with them to make sure that their conversation didn’t end in the four of them defiling his table.

Three nods from his boys and the bard’s smile got impossibly larger. “You _love_ me,” he said, almost in wonder. “I love you too, my sweet dum-dums!”

Geralt was the first to move, reaching over and tugging the bard into his lap, burying his face in chestnut brown locks and smiling like a maniac, and the others weren’t far behind. Small kisses were pressed against Jaskier’s forehead and cheeks, and he shivered as Lambert cheekily kissed his neck, right against his pulse point.

“And this is where I head upstairs. You too. Do _not_ make a mess of my table,” Vesemir said, glaring at each of his sons and Jaskier in turn. A red flush had filled up most of the bard’s face and Vesemir was sure that if they could his sons would be blushing just as hard.

The old wolf made his way up to his room, smiling at his sons’ antics. They had the right intentions and the wrong actions, but it worked out in the end.

Nobody would harm their little songbird as long as the wolves of Kaer Morhen were there to protect him.

❧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be more of an epilogue than an actual chapter. Sorry I rushed through like everything for this chapter T-T


	6. The End (Or the Beginning?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally made it!

❧

The bookkeeper trembled as Geralt walked into his shop with two Witchers and a bard in tow.

“Master Witcher! What b-brings you to my shop a-again?”

“I’d like to return this.” He said, dropping a worn leather book on the bookkeeper’s desk with a small _thud._

Eyebrows rising, the man picked it up. “Ah yes, the puppy manual! Well did it work? Have you successfully raised your companion to be happy and healthy?”

The bard snorted and was cut off from saying something by the scarred Witcher kissing him gently. The bookkeeper’s eyebrows rose higher.

“Yes, we have,” the younger Witcher answered his question with a smirk, earning a huff from the White Wolf. _They must be kin,_ he thought, looking at their medallions. The bookkeeper handed Geralt his coin pouch, filled with the rest of the payment he was owed. The Witcher thanked him and turned to leave, kissing the bard’s cheek as he led him out of the shop.

The bookkeeper’s eyes widened in shock and he quickly looked towards the other Witcher to see if he would get mad, but the man just smiled.

“Come on, little kitten,” the younger Witcher said, picking up the bard like he was feather-light and carrying him out the door, the other Witchers in tow. The bookkeeper’s eyes must have been near popping out of his head by now. The shop door closed with a small click, leaving the man staring at the door in shock, mouth open and unable to close.

“Stefan, are you alright dear?” his wife said coming up behind him and rubbing a hand up and down his arm comfortingly. Her eyes landed on the book, still laying on the desk and she picked it up, looking at the title strangely. “‘How to Keep Your Person Happy’? What an odd book!”

Stefan choked on air.

❧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throughout this journey I’ve learned that I am physically incapable of writing at a normal time and that I must write in the dead of night for my best work to come out. The problem is, I wake up at six in the morning so this rarely works out well for me. Oh well.  
> Thank you all for being so supportive and interactive while I was writing this! It was very encouraging and kept me going when I felt like stopping, so thank you! I hope you enjoyed this!

**Author's Note:**

> 1 comment = 1 brain cell for the brothers!  
> Here’s my [Tumblr](https://thefoxssocks.tumblr.com/)!


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